ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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