My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
