New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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