All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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