After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
