remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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