I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
