i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
