i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
