Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
