after a month anything with tits is on the radar
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
