Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
