I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
