I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
