Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
