Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
