We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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