"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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