I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
