Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This is my gift to your gina
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
