yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
