even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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