P.S. I can't hear my feet
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
