is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
