Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
