I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
