I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
