thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
