I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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