can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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