strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
