I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
