I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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