Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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