I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
