Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
