someone threw a dead crab at me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
