i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
