just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
