um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
