Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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