I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
