this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
