i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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