Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
