I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
