Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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