When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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