Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
