I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
